| Cold Hard Ground |
[Apr. 2nd, 2005|07:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Manic Star" - Conjure One | ] |
I took a picture of ketchup today. Haphazard ketchup packets (that sounds like a band), in black and white film. Fuck if I know why, but it'll look badass if I have any say about it.
I had a badish night last night, but I woke up at damn near 4:30 that morning to a phone call, and there's that boy, singin' his heart out to me. He called so I could hear this song he recorded with his friend. I swear, when he sings to me, it's like nothing else exists. I fucking float. He has a destinct voice... some kind of twang or accent or something I can't exactly pinpoint, but I love it.
He was talkin' Coldplay, the Scientist.
"You don't know how lovely you are."
I didn't say it... but I thought it. How well it describes him.
***
Everyone's dying.
Dogs, Pope's, neighbors, and it fucking depresses me, because where the fuck do they go?
If you believe in heaven, it's all great, you can believe they go on to a better place, and they're happy.
But I don't.
So all I'm left with is fucking boxes in the cold ground.
Bodies, lifeless, and souls gone on to nothingess.
And that really fucking scares me. |
|
|
| Randone |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|10:26 pm] |
If you want something, or someone, really want it? Bad enough? You'll do anything.
That said...
I've got nothin' else to say.
Mom mentioned an ex today... fuck that.
Got money... might get a nother tattoo. Or pierce my ... something.
I don't fucking know right now.
We were up till five again last night. Then we fell asleep.
Random.
Done. |
|
|
| Eesh |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|12:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Cute Without the E" - Taking Back Sunday | ] |
Okay, so I've been away from here far too long. People got lost, or turned up out of nowhere, and I should really go back and check on everyone I used to read. ... Eh. Later.
Too much to do right now.
... lie...
I just want to sleep with my phone. |
|
|
| Argh! |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|12:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fall -Something Corporate | ] |
Been forever, again.
I promise, I'll get better.
No, really.
:D |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|02:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Konstantine" - SoCo | ] |
Made a mistake.
Never should've said a word.
God, I miss you.
God, I love you. |
|
|
| <3 |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|02:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Blower's Daughter" - Damien Rice | ] |
This is what I never gave you.
<3
You know what really sucks? The fact that some people can just storm in unannounced, and steal your heart away. Even when you don't want to give it up. Even when you want it back, you can never get it.
Lame. |
|
|
| Easy Like Sunday Morning |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|10:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "How Do You Tell Someone" - Cowboy Mouth | ] |
Ugh..
I'd like to take this moment to apologize to everyone I drunk dialed last night. Except for Aaron, him and Beverley gave me some kicks, they rock. And Morgan, who gave me some goods later. Pretty much after that, I can't remember who all I called, so... yeah.
The plan was only to hang last night, I was gonna visit Court's and hang out there for a bit to escape home. Her mom was tanked, just back from the bar, and that freaky lady gave us money and told us to go buy beer and liquor.
I wasn't even gonna drink, but damn that peer pressure. Her mom made Matt take a shot, then poured me one and told me to down it. I refused for all of five seconds, and said, "okay, fuck it". Ugh. No more vodka.
2.5 Smirnoffs, 2 screwdrivers, 2 shots, and a rum and coke later, I had a nice little buzz going on. I was sitting on the couch between a very drunk Matt, and very amused Jimmy, watching them play football on Xbox. Yeah, they suck.
Court and Jo got back just in time to see Spike attacking me on the ground. Fuckingdog, I am not your bitch!
Anyways, just hung out, called some peoples, etc, until Matt decided it wsa time to be very, very sick. Stood around for a bit while Court held him over the sink, then watched Jimmy hold him while he screamed to Pennywise, the dancing clown... i.e. the sink.
Gotta love Court, she drove me home around twelve and I got on here and butchered everything I typed.
Battle wound of the night: fell up the stairs and gashed my elbow open. Spider-Man bandaid sporting now.
Quote of the night: "Pennywiiiise, you can't have me! How do you like that?! You like an arm! OR a leg! but nor PUKE! - " *barfing sounds*
Once again, the only one who escaped a hangover. Love me. :P
Also, don't take advantage of drunk Karly's anymore, eh? Bad! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|05:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Konstantine" - SoCo | ] |
"N: i don't know what it is about you, but you make me smile..."
Eep.
Something I don't need right now.
Please, don't smile because of me. Don't dream about me. Don't feel anything for me, because I can't return it.
There's too much going on in my head, and not enough room in my heart.
It's not you, it's me. Right?
Good. All is settled.
Don't feel a thing.
(if only my advice worked so well on me...) |
|
|
| Body Modification Madness |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|01:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Powder" - Yellowcard | ] |
Wow, two updates in the same week? My God!
My tattoo's healing quite nicely. Yesterday marked it's three week anniversary of it's marriage to my wrist. ;) I went through the painful phase in the first hours, the scabbing, and then the shedding. All except for one stubborn part, where it bled the most, there's still a bit of healing to be done.
I guess Jason's mah body mod partner now. We got tattooed together, and we're going to check out the new tattoo and piercing place uptown sometime soon. I tried to convince him to pierce his nipples, but...;) I think he wants his eyebrow done, and I know I miss mine. *sniffle* I don't know what else I can get pierced, I'm runnin' out of room.
Yes, I am obsessed.
Aaron and I are discussing a tat as I type this. He's got an awesome dragon that wraps around his upper arm and comes down onto his forearm, the head ending at his wrist. It's wicked sweet, and the tail wraps around an angel on a cross. Skiie, the guardian of the angel and the cross. ;) God, I'd do him just for that tattoo. He knows how obsessed I am with it, and suggessted I get something along the same lines (only not as big, because he's fuckin' insane). It'd just be around my upper arm.
I dig, I dig.
Just need to find out where he got the design, look into it, decide if I like it enough to have it inked on. Couple months, or more, and that's if I decide for that to be my next project.
Too hard to not go crazy with 'em, dammit. I want so many.
Jason's rocks, too. He's got this tribal thing across the back of his shoulders? Mmm. If he weren't gay, I'd do him for that. ;) Naw, but it really does rock.
Anyway, I have some stuff to do before my mom gets home, so I'll head off and do that now. ;) Cheers, all. |
|
|
| Been A While |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|02:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Live a Lie" - Default | ] |
It's been a while, yeah?
Seems to me I forget about this thing no matter what goes on in my life. Good shit, bad shit, I manage my other journal fine, but this one gets left in the dust either way.
Right now, aside from money issues, it's what we like to call: "All gravy on the potato train."
I'm dealing well with the changes in my life, and I'm doing what needs to be done. Work and stuffs is good, thought not giving me the money I wish it would. Got a few prospects for a second job lined up. Should that go through, February will be a fun month.
Pretty much have come to terms with all my "issues". Hehe. Working on those, with good results.
Does anyone even read this thing anymore? Or should I 86 it?
Nah, I'll keep it. Because soooome people don't know about it. That means I can talk about them all I want.
*cough*
I'll get on that right away.
I'm wasting time until he gets back to talk, but I might have to skip the goodnights for once, and get my ass to bed. Work in the morning.
Yeah, we'll do that. |
|
|
| FUCK |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|11:04 pm] |
I fucking hate this town.
And mostly everyone in it. |
|
|
| Shut Up. I'm allowed! |
[Oct. 19th, 2004|01:40 am] |
Tonight I laid out on the ground
Breathing in the cool autumn air
And I watched the stars blinking
And I started thinking about you
Again.
It wasn’t the first thought I had
I’m sure it won’t be the last
But the thoughts that consumed me
Were all I could think of for days
And nights.
Your voice it haunts my waking hours
And it’s there with me as I sleep
Words you spoke, or words you wrote
Stayed with me until I closed my eyes
To dream.
What is it about you, exactly
That makes it so hard to forget
What makes you stick so close
Inside my every single thought
Or dream?
I’m asking you for an explanation
I can’t get you out of my head
I’m asking you for confirmation
These feelings, they’re real,
Right?
I’m asking you in a soft voice
Because to be totally honest
I’m afraid of the answer, so...
Tell me...you feel the same way
Don’t you? |
|
|
| Grrr, Arg! |
[Sep. 12th, 2004|01:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Crawl" - Alkaline Trio | ] |
So, I wanna talk on the phone... leave me a number and I don't care who you are, I'll call you. Yes, I'm that bored.
Nothing happened today. Nothing. At. All. And technically it's a new day, and STILL nothing's happening!! That's the most infuriating thing. Wanting to do soemthing, anything, and having nothing at all happening. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to kiss in the rain...oh...got off topic there.
God, if I resort to cleaning my room...that's it. We're doen for. The world will come crashing to it's feet.
Bow down to Pikachu, I'm so fuckin' bored. |
|
|
| Have a Heart |
[Sep. 11th, 2004|07:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Patience" - Guns n' Roses | ] |
I wish today that I had never met you.
Because I can't get you out of my head
And no matter how I know you don't
I can't stop loving you.
Having a heart is not a good thing, despite what anyone may say. It only ends up getting you in trouble and causing you more pain.
That is the Moo Point of the Day. |
|
|
| Swiss Army Romance |
[Jul. 26th, 2004|09:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lovers and Liars - Matchbook Romance | ] |
Well... I broke up with Mark. I thought I'd be a lot more sorry when I did it. Thought I'd be crying and feeling horrible...but certain people are making it really hard to feel unloved. But as hard as they're making it to feel bad, dwelling on it will make me feel it. So, I'm not going to think or talk about it. I'm just gonna go talk. |
|
|
| That Fall Mentality |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|06:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | I feel like last year | ] |
| [ | music |
| | A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar -D/C | ] |
I feel like it is the beginning of September. I feel like I should be shopping for the latest school clothes, and lacing up my new kicks, getting ready to walk down those high school halls once more. But I'm not. I will never be again.
It's this music. It's the sound of the storm outside when my window's open. It's nostalgia. It's got to be something.
Please, someone tell me why I suddenly wish it was a cool fall day, and I was walking into a familiar classroom, filled with faces of kids I've passed by hundreds of times. Tell me why I feel like sitting in the back of those rooms, with my elbows on the desk, watching a teacher speak, but listenng to the sound of autumn rain dashing against the window pane. Feeling the splatters of clear water as they make their way into the room.
Tell me why I feel like running out those double doors with my friends one last time. Walking thirty blocks in the pouring rain. Stopping at the gas station for a soda before continuing on home, where we spend the day shirking responsibility, watching music videos, and being stupid teenagers.
Please, tell me why it's all so complicated now.
Tell me why I didn't have the guts, the drive, to suck it up and finish.
Someone just tell me why I can't go back to last year. This fall mentality is killing me, and I just want to go back. |
|
|
| F U B A R |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|11:39 pm] |
I can't write what I want to say. I don't know what I feel.
All I know is I am confused.
So many thoughts running through my head, crashing into each other, cancelling each other out...just clouding everything.
I can't see beyond this.
I am so lost. |
|
|
| Lonely Hearts |
[Mar. 14th, 2004|12:31 am] |
She lifts his hand, placing it to her chest.
Beneath his palm her skin is warm.
She looks up into his eyes, her look one he could not read. Searching him, maybe, for some kind of anser. Some clue that he understood her.
A gentle shake of his head.
"It's beating," she says softly, staring upwards still.
He nods, his brow furrowing.
Indeed, her heart was beating. It was strong, steady.
"For a while," she explains, "I wasn't sure."
He looks down to where his hand meets her pale skin.
"For a while...I thought I was dead."
He returns his gaze to meet her waiting eyes.
Would she be expecting something profound? Some sort of insight?
He has nothing to offer.
"It's okay," she says, removing her hand from where it holds his.
He wants to tell her it wasn't. He disagreed.
She takes a step backward, still looking at him in that contemplative way, then smiles.
"My heart beats for you," she says, her smile burning into him.
What did someone say to that? Thank you? Hardly.
She grabs his hand.
"Walk with me."
That he can do. It may be the only thing, but it is something at the very least. |
|
|
| Universe Inside of My Heart |
[Mar. 13th, 2004|08:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "White Days" - The Juliana Theory | ] |
"Hell, pretty much everyone makes me feel dumb and useless with their little comments."
"Do I?"
"What, make me feel useless and dumb? Babe...you're the one person who makes me feel like I'm important. You make me feel like I'm fine the way I am. "
So true...so fucking true.
He asked me once why I loved him.
Because he's sweet, and he's funny, and he's smart, and he's sexy...
And because he loves me.
He makes me feel like I'm more than I am. He's the one person who makes me feel...right.
He told me he thinks the world of me...
I think the universe of him... |
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